A trap and an oath

I tried one last time with Alice* today. That's what happened:

I made a little trap: I have a very odd photo of hers, making a grimace. However, the photographer, who wasn't me (but a common acquaintance), didn't give time to my camera to focus on her, and the result was a completely blurred photo. But she's still recognizable. At least I recognized her.

I posted this photo on an online album, with this subtitle: "I negotiate the photo deletion", and waited for her reaction. As she didn't answer, I teased her:

(via orkut scraps)

Me: "Not even you have recognized yourself in this photo?"

Her: "That's not fair! Delete that photo! LOL"

I knew she wouldn't be mad at me, as I foresaw she'd laugh at it too. Trap triggered!

Me: "Oh, then we may negotiate it... how 'bout talkin' the subject over Thursday night at that pub?"

(via MSN):

Her: "Just saw your message... thanks for inviting, but I'm going to travel..."

Me: "Oh, really? No prob then. Travelling? Where to?"

Her: [small pause] "São Paulo. I'm visiting my sister."

Me: "Ah, yes. Thought you'd say about that meeting at Natal, but it's next week, isn't it?"

Her: "Yes... I'm going!"

Me: "That's nice, eh?"

Why do I think she's lying to me? Not only because of her small pause, but also because I suppose her sister, who is also a college student, will already be on holidays, as we are. OK, her family can be going there to bring her back home, as my parents does sometimes. Still, there's a light, subtle whisper in my ears... She's trying to avoid you. Remember that this is not the first time, but the THIRD time she turns you down!

... I surrender. That's why I am swearing an oath: from now on, I'm not going to try again. Never. With anyone.

No, I'm not mad at her specifically - she has the right to reject or accept any asking-outs she receives. And I suppose it is rather easy for you, women, to choose between a meeting and a girls' night out at a night club.

Or a travel.

The problem is with me. I'm 21, and never have I seen such uselessness in this subject as I myself. Why do I keep on banging my head against the wall? Twenty-one is an age that has no coming back.

So, I surrender.

Actually, I'm solving a problem. My anxiety for sharing a life with someone is the lock-and-chain set for the true freedom I could feel.

I kept on telling myself that the only thing I miss is someone with which I could share my innermost secrets, my innermost concerns...

Why? I don't need it.

Yes, I have just contradicted myself.